Paint's Mind, Heart, Soul

Told a friend before. If feel sad, wanna make clear about something, try to watch drama or series. Perhaps can learn something from that. Finally i know why recently keep watching 'Lucky Star'. May be i need my lucky star as well, white horse prince who can save me, give me courage. Nah...some how, it just a movie.

Just now dinner, dad told to find job in Penang...he said new government, new policy, new hope. I knew, he don't want me to leave home anymore. The last time i made a decision is, when graduated from Matriculation College. I choose JB. I am kinda 'run-away' person. Giving excuse i could not find myself in Penang, so i travel so far until reach JB, hopefully can find myself in JB. But now...again, i trying 'run-away', to S'pore...Friend said, final limited is end of this month, must guai guai find job liao.

I am finding my job now, but some how, refuse company interview, reject job offer. I scared, scared those commitment into job. Nemo dad take so long and far to Sydney, Australia, to find Nemo. Blue Fish just from JB to S'pore...Really hope they can support me. They not understand. I will continue lazy and lose my motivation for life challenge if i stay in my home, the safety zone...

This afternoon, finish a painting in less than 4 hour. Perhaps...have some inspiration suddenly. People said drawing can tell what inside your mind. I believed that. Brother said is a tree, that have no leaf, that only can see during Winter. Winter is cold. Staring again to my own painting, felt a bit lonely, a bit scared. I think the only thing i need and want now is encouragement, and you are the only person who will continue support me whenever and whatever i faced.

But may be because of this, started lose my confident toward own self, slowly, losing my confident into this relationship. Some how i manage to know that. He couldn't remember words. He seldom make promises. i know, he scared he can't make it after giving hope, fake hope. Because of this, i don't want him to make promises, that cannot be realize. But sometime, girl need promises. In order for them stay committed, confident and secure toward a relationship. Nah...he will not agree with my point 1, and simply giving excuse 'u watch too much drama d'...